It has been 8 years and I still thinking of him. Back in the day, we had a virtual dating for almost one year. I’m a very private person, so I could never close to a man. When I got his offer on chat room to be his girlfriend, I didn’t know why, I instantly said yes. Then our story began…
In virtual dating, it seems we live in our small world. It was weird for the first time, but he made it easy for me. We’ve texted everyday, from simple things to things I never laughed off before. He could make me in love in very short time. I found comfort in him. By nature I live in fairy tale, so yes, it’s like he was just my world and I fallen too deep.
I never thought before that we could fall in love with virtual person. No matter how virtual he was, though he was a fantasy as he seems, the feeling was real. Yes, the love feeling is something real. I texted with my soul and catched him seriously. He filled my emptiness and become the most comfortable place to say everything and just to stay in love.
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Fantasy was fantasy. It didn’t stay for long. It was almost our first anniversary and I didn’t heard him lately. I texted him, he didn’t reply me. It’s unusual. After one week, he texted me. When I was about smiling and telling him how worry I was, he told me about the break up. He said it was a stupid relationship. He had someone else. He yelled at me too, asking why that day I accepted him instantly like no guy wanted to date me. He sworn that I must be ugly so I received any guy to be boyfriend immedietly. It hit me badly. My world has torn apart like never before. I thought we would create magic love story like in fairy tale, but it was just another stupidity for him. Don’t ask me what happened next. I struggle hard to move on. I instantly removed him from everything–but I never really could.
I know it was a mistake. You should never fall in love with the guy who isn’t real. A man you meet in chat room is nothing before you really meet him for real. But that’s my problem, I’m very shy and private person, I would not really date a real because I don’t have enough courage to do it. I didn’t even have male friend! I was lived in my small planet.
Unfortunately, you could not instantly forget somebody who fill your heart with joy, comfortable and love, even though you know he was not real. In fact, that guy lives in my heart for years though I never meet him and he just use me badly. In my universe dream, I always wanted to meet him, really, he often came to my imagination and asked me to wait. Perhaps, all he needs was time, to grow, to become an actual mature man, like I saw yesterday.
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I still remember many of his text message. Texting is just texting, but every words he said just comfort me more than anything else. This was one of my favorite text from him:
“ I wanna count the stars with you, for it takes millions of time,
So I have the reason, to stay with you longer than just forever”
It was his last chat before our break-up day, and it sounds like a sweet goodbye.
Now, its just 8 years later and I feel no change in my heart. I still completely want him to stay in love all over again. Good thing, these days we have Facebook to make my search gets easier. I search for him months by months, but it seems I didn’t find one close to his feature. I still strongly believe he was born to become my soulmate. Perhaps he regrets his decision and want to contact me that time, but he was unable because I changed my number. It’s possible, right?
Today my search is over. I found him on Facebook, with the same name he gave to me and the same city. I created fake account and tried to add him to make sure it was him. After adding him as friend, I asked him whether he was Andy from Sligo, he said yes. I asked him whether he knows somebody from Dublin that he chatted 8 years ago, he said yes. He mentioned my name. Yes, he still remember me. It’s good news for me!
I said thank you and leave the chat, to discover his profile. He looks like nice guy, not too handsome, but has good looks. But, this is the reason why I should stop my fantasy. He has the girl and in his profile, he claimed to have that relationship since 2007, the exact year we broke up.
I look into that girl’s profile and it made me look my self. She is beautiful with her blonde hair and the fairest skin I’ve ever seen. I just see my self to realize I’m not a barbie like her. I can wear high heels indeed, but I don’t even know how to wear fancy dress to look that stunning, I can’t apply the blush on, wear eye lense nor red lips. I’m just ordinary girl who knows how to study well and work with my pride. I just know how to live following my inner voice, never know how to live to impress people. It puts me back to the ground. He wasn’t made for me.
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No matter what, I would not have any regret. I fell in love, I love that feeling. He is very fond of barbie girl, but it would never make me want to be a barbie. I don’t want to change my self to attract a man- though I love him the most.
I’m just like this, an ordinary girl with her dream and her fairy tale world. Sometimes, it is the biggest risk, to show the world your genuine face, to make him watching you just the way you are. My search is over, my curiousity is done. I will have him in my dream. Time will help me to bury this memories I owe from him. And still, someday I will meet an actual man to become my destiny, I will write my fairy tale. I will fall in love, and stay there.